Daniel Christopher June to the Students of Life:
Greetings!
So I've began working as a mental therapist; its given me materials and ideas for expanding Allism, the Life-Way I teach in my writings. All is well for me. Here are two Allays, continuing my themes of the importance of subtlety, silence, and invisibility.
Take care, Caretakers!
* 250 *
On gaining the professional mask, on assuming a role. The henpecked husband is haunted by his absent wife; her echo reprimands his peccadilloes. Fear is the first stage, when we "hear" the absent external voice. Then it sinks into our reasoning process, becoming one of the many "inner" voices; and finally it sinks into our intuition, a voiceless certainty. Let us therefore take care with our spiritual diet.
We believe most what we hear ourselves say. A squad of internalized voices compete for the megaphone. And out from the heart, an experience matures; every experience requires expression, and a profound experience a full expression. Internalized voices externalize those depths of experience. Most of our lives balance a few pivotal experiences, and these against each other, just as we transgress the law to gain authority, not to gain from the crime itself. We choose a few deep prides and guilts to structure our mental grid.
We speak of "depth of expression" versus the "froth of thought." Only those who have touched your heart hold a mouthpiece to the innermost, and this only when they assume the correct inflection. Confronting those deep thoughts, finding our way to the center, requires a personalized map of the inner world. A few metaphors contain the logic of the thing – a few traumas and the tropes they make map the coordinates.
For those closest, we can't shrug them off, they print our skin. We have a natural instinct for autonomy, and so in some way come to betray them. Yet they shift their voice into our own. And so we, as well, can approach others.
With a subtle hypnotism, we need only follow and reflect the meaning of others, give them what they already have, tell them what they already know. We can, by quilting choice reflections of their speech, unify the discord in another's head, or in our own. Just as the bully, a coward, detects cowards, those he can intimidate, so our inner voice evokes her external correlate. Our internalized mother has a say in who we marry.
We are all experts of ourselves, and, if we've mastered ourselves, we master those like us. The representative man is a pure type, whereas most people are mixed. He commands the greatest power since he loses less in self-negation.
Our invisible structure – a template, a schema, an interface -- shapes reality. Mythic shapes and art forms imprint these innermost shapes. Those ideas realizing themselves in our historical moment sink deepest into the sensitive. How to install an idea into others? Into ourselves? How to inspect the deepest invisible myths in our soul?
Christian psychology personifies the conscience as the voice of God and temptation as Satan. By glorifying and dignifying the conscience as the theater of war between these two, we exaggerate related emotions: guilt, dread, and temptation (which is made, not discovered). There can be no obedience without transgression; this the autonomy of the ego demands. As with the chastised toddler sticking out her tongue, we need at least some token of defiance. With italics on submission (felt as relief) and defiance (felt as struggle) we put our other emotions into parentheses. Curiosity becomes a danger, experimentation a folly.
Every role holds form and shape. Every profession imposes an attitude, belief, style, and a set of actions. We fill a role such as fatherhood with feelings we would not foster otherwise. From the world, a billion insinuations and a few direct confrontations shape our every role. We live in a sea of expectations. We develop large forms and small forms, and have the capacity to prolong even a five minute incident, even a bare glance, to a lifelong tone – the experience we build from takes on importance through interpretation. Thus the play of extended consummation, the drama of prolonged frustration. An event is in its anticipation as well as in its remembrance.
Romance is an artificial form; one must be taught and trained into a romance. Some of us are vanguards, we dignify love for the world. Institutions protect ideas, and preserve their meaning. Institutional practices may seem ridiculous or strange, yet nevertheless convey defined meaning. For instance, prayer is structured worry. Institutions allow us to believe – the church believes, not its congregants. Belief is what acts; the coordinated activities of a group externalize its belief.
We are unfree to believe whatever. Some things we must prove to ourselves. We internalize forms unconsciously, for consciousness is the Trojan Horse. We learn language intuitively -- and all of culture is language. The Germanic kennings inhabit all language, we insinuate deeper than we could ever guess. We internalize our whole culture, world culture, through language, the Holy Spirit. Grammarians are weird. We do not learn language analytically. Every collective produces a language, even down to the couple. Inside jokes and private allusions become words and terms. Insinuations are shared, lost on outsiders.
Charged and inflected language concerns terms and stress. All science, all literature, all life is language. Language juxtaposes time and space. Past and future present themselves. Perspectives, persons, can be quoted and alluded to. Quotations and maxims intersperse. Thus we internalize our world. Even facial expressions become fashions, institutionalized. A given age prefers a given expression. Old-time movie actors appear to be a foreign species.
Languages generate from hidden grammars. A religion is a set of deified experiences and their interrelation – its grammar. We internalize the myths whether we believe or not, just as we internalize our opposition to outsmart them. We identify with what we hate. A hidden texture of desires and aversions characterizes every relationship. We develop a clothing of language to reveal and conceal our meaning.
* 251 *
Words convey meanings, surely, but it's through silence that you gain the other's soul. What is a speech but a structure of absences? Silence has as many rhetorical (spiritual) uses as does any grammar. A silence can present as meaningful, yet the listener must scramble to make a meaning of it. With feigned stuttering, we can seem to be nervous or anxious, to be lying. Thus simple moments of silence in a speech, of implied meaning, can be as deceitful or insinuative as the words they invisibly summon. Sovf, as the goddess of language, is mute. She is all language but says nothing of her own. She speaks through silence. Often with the magician's handwaving, we can readily hide the gaps, openings, and absences in our speech, meaning much while saying little, or meaning little while saying much. The relationship between meaning and the language that both expresses it, and also that conceals it, and further, that smuggles meanings into the listeners' ears, is not a relationship of part for part. We as poets, making our lives a poem, though we may never scribble a verse, know how to charge a word with meaning, how to make a symbol, how to birth real and eternal angels and gods. This is the office of the Aya, the Poet, man proper. How then do we read between the lines and develop a second ear, a third ear, for what is meant by not being said? How do we catch the magician at his trick? I recommend eavesdropping; eavesdropping on oneself, listening to others, and listening to yourself listen to others. Finally, I recommend mirror meditation, and speaking out loud to yourself in a dialogue. This exposes the God of the gaps – a very real God, after all.
When we dream, all the random images are given a rationalization "yep, it all makes sense"; and our minds fill in our visual blind spot; our memories fill in holes, without us knowing.
Hollywood used to cut away during sex scenes so you knew sex had occurred – nevertheless depicting nothing. Likewise, the most terrifying and traumatic scene in a book need not be present to be felt.
Just as the Holy of Holies is internalized in the hearts of all the congregants, a sacred space within, so, we practice our askesis, internalizing a divine silence. I mean not simply the speaking in tongues of the Holy Spirit, by which an inner meaning is expressed in code to a Satan controlled world– but the opposite effect of the Holy Spirit, Lux, Sovf, her ununciation of the inner silence – Mattria humming as she weaves the universe from her hair.
Knowing through repeated mirror meditations how to clear your affect, you can at any moment impose ground zero, the primordial silence of Mattriama before her mirror at time zero. Reflection. Instant composure. Not as the end all, not as the one and only, for the chaotic confusions of speaking in tongues – both in the religious modality but also in its secular variants, as illustrated wonderfully in Charles' Ives Fourth Symphony, movement two, "the world" – is one more move in the Game. Allists are pragmatic. They see the cash value in all things. If it exists it can be used. So we use cacophony and euphony. We use meaning and nonsense.
We also need to generate a "silence" in space – a sacred place of solitude. Know how to build your altar, and how to become clean enough to approach it. Know how to hallow a space or activity. Use the law of consecration: whatever you purpose deepest in your heart, consecrate it to the Divine.
-- R ᴤ88s Я --
Perfection Is Easy
www.perfectidius.com
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