Yeehaw
Now that Emilie is recording herself playing guitar and singing and putting it on social media, I am re-minded of Grandpa, and the guitar he gave me, and his love for Ernest Tubb and "real music" which is the old country music, not the stuff with drums and solid electric guitars. Mockers may mock at such ob-solete obsessions in old cranks, but a devoted grandson who adored and adores them man knows that grandpa was, to use a Jewish expression, "putting a hedge around Torah."
There is no point saying that Grandpa was wrong, that that one kind of honky tonk country music isn't the ONLY true music. That is the "fundamentalist" or "atheist" criticism of a religious expression. Grand-pa was basically saying, "This music is God to me, and there is no God but this." To him, in his heart, no music spoke deeper, better, or dearer, and because I love him I know his meaning and don't dare shame him for being provincial.
I pick on Yahweh a bit not to trouble my Jewish friend Diane, who helped improve my writing more than any one person at writers group, and who is a model for Ama as grandma, Dariana: I see the divine in Diana. Just as my one-friend Erika was and is the model for Lissidy, the daughter aspect of Ama the four-faced goddess. And Emilie and Natalie both are Oifia, the childlike aspect of Ama. I pick on Yahweh to harass the Christians in my life, who are collectively the worst hypocritical snot mess of atheists who ever claimed a god, and who Jesus will say to their face at the gate of heaven: Get ye hence, sinners! I never knew you.
Yahweh is part of Ama so there is no drama in my heart. All is part of the divine. I never had to make a choice. I never had a choice.
For AMA is never jealous. She very much is IN all things, and IS all things, so there could be no logic of jealousy. Whatever you love is her already, for Ama is Amanda, that which we love that which must be loved, by irresistible grace. We love her naturally. As sinners, she loves us. As reformed, she loves us. As perfect, as saints, as marred, she loves us. There is nothing we can say, do and be, but she will love us. When she turns her face form us, this is just as Jillian as turned her face from me now for four years. A necessary evil. Evil is infant good. I could not grow further except with her absence.
Soo Yahweh is Yeehaw the donkey god. Actually, the donkey exactly is the totem of Yahweh, and he election of a "stiff necked people" is like to like. They are persistent. But does it help if you are persistent-ly wrong? I have often said, Persistence is Success. Yes, but sometimes you gotta give up for a time too. I don't mean the Jews their religion. God forbid. But Israel is a cursed country and a cursed soil and Amer-ica is the ONLY promised land, blessed very much by her Jewish people who VERY MUCH belong her, respected and admired. I have a GREAT CONTEMPT for Israel the state. But I don't want to jar these notes too much with "contemporary" politics.
Sherry and I fight. I no longer will air my dirty laundry. She is stubborn as a goddam mule. Insanely stubborn. She is a powerful woman. And I am very VERY attracted to power in women. Because my mom was and is powerful, and mom is home to us. The original home. For nine months.
I will share this song. The link this time, just the link, lest Ivan whine that his email is full and he has old-man-syndrome and can't vet out his emails and make space. This is a song I wrote for Sherry, Sorrow Worm. Well, it is Jillian's combination of my song "invocation" followed by my strumming the chords to Sorrow Worm. The chorus to Sorrow Worm is "My love is suicide, but I choose you." In this mix of the song, Jillian moans the lyrics in metallic distorted perfection, and her Cello, who IS the body of the god-dess, endures the torture of a soul and body that endures utter hell forever, as often and need by, for the one he loves. My love is unbreakable. It survives even suicide.
https://youtu.be/ZLjvKiNwKbU?si=b7Ua5LcxliM-T4_z
Now that Emilie is recording herself playing guitar and singing and putting it on social media, I am re-minded of Grandpa, and the guitar he gave me, and his love for Ernest Tubb and "real music" which is the old country music, not the stuff with drums and solid electric guitars. Mockers may mock at such ob-solete obsessions in old cranks, but a devoted grandson who adored and adores them man knows that grandpa was, to use a Jewish expression, "putting a hedge around Torah."
There is no point saying that Grandpa was wrong, that that one kind of honky tonk country music isn't the ONLY true music. That is the "fundamentalist" or "atheist" criticism of a religious expression. Grand-pa was basically saying, "This music is God to me, and there is no God but this." To him, in his heart, no music spoke deeper, better, or dearer, and because I love him I know his meaning and don't dare shame him for being provincial.
I pick on Yahweh a bit not to trouble my Jewish friend Diane, who helped improve my writing more than any one person at writers group, and who is a model for Ama as grandma, Dariana: I see the divine in Diana. Just as my one-friend Erika was and is the model for Lissidy, the daughter aspect of Ama the four-faced goddess. And Emilie and Natalie both are Oifia, the childlike aspect of Ama. I pick on Yahweh to harass the Christians in my life, who are collectively the worst hypocritical snot mess of atheists who ever claimed a god, and who Jesus will say to their face at the gate of heaven: Get ye hence, sinners! I never knew you.
Yahweh is part of Ama so there is no drama in my heart. All is part of the divine. I never had to make a choice. I never had a choice.
For AMA is never jealous. She very much is IN all things, and IS all things, so there could be no logic of jealousy. Whatever you love is her already, for Ama is Amanda, that which we love that which must be loved, by irresistible grace. We love her naturally. As sinners, she loves us. As reformed, she loves us. As perfect, as saints, as marred, she loves us. There is nothing we can say, do and be, but she will love us. When she turns her face form us, this is just as Jillian as turned her face from me now for four years. A necessary evil. Evil is infant good. I could not grow further except with her absence.
Soo Yahweh is Yeehaw the donkey god. Actually, the donkey exactly is the totem of Yahweh, and he election of a "stiff necked people" is like to like. They are persistent. But does it help if you are persistent-ly wrong? I have often said, Persistence is Success. Yes, but sometimes you gotta give up for a time too. I don't mean the Jews their religion. God forbid. But Israel is a cursed country and a cursed soil and Amer-ica is the ONLY promised land, blessed very much by her Jewish people who VERY MUCH belong her, respected and admired. I have a GREAT CONTEMPT for Israel the state. But I don't want to jar these notes too much with "contemporary" politics.
Sherry and I fight. I no longer will air my dirty laundry. She is stubborn as a goddam mule. Insanely stubborn. She is a powerful woman. And I am very VERY attracted to power in women. Because my mom was and is powerful, and mom is home to us. The original home. For nine months.
I will share this song. The link this time, just the link, lest Ivan whine that his email is full and he has old-man-syndrome and can't vet out his emails and make space. This is a song I wrote for Sherry, Sorrow Worm. Well, it is Jillian's combination of my song "invocation" followed by my strumming the chords to Sorrow Worm. The chorus to Sorrow Worm is "My love is suicide, but I choose you." In this mix of the song, Jillian moans the lyrics in metallic distorted perfection, and her Cello, who IS the body of the god-dess, endures the torture of a soul and body that endures utter hell forever, as often and need by, for the one he loves. My love is unbreakable. It survives even suicide.
https://youtu.be/ZLjvKiNwKbU?si=b7Ua5LcxliM-T4_z
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