Revenge and Kindness in Ordinary Conversation

            Simple people that we are, we loudly condemn rape and murder and other appalling acts, as if it took moral insight to hate such things. But if we look at the nuances, barbs, hooks, and turns of our daily language, of the conversations we improvise with coworkers, family, friends, neighbors, and strangers, a subtle touch will feel out that murder, rape, blackmail, treason, theft, and every other manner of outrage fully exists in our everyday speech. How human and natural to seek revenge! How inhuman and cruel to call such a desire "sinful." For every desire is perfect when its expression is made apt. Those things that when full blown are monstrous are meanwhile charming parts of our daily banter -- positively approved, the basis of engagement, the joy of life.

            Consider some of the many moves in conversation. How hypocritical to say a thing and, when it has the desired effect, to pretend you didn't mean it that way. The other person feels not only insulted, but incriminated for misunderstanding you. We are misunderstood because we planned it that way. And what hypocrisy to begin a statement with, "No offense, but..." Such words are always followed by an intended offense.

            How maddening to attempt to explain yourself to somebody determined to misunderstand. Likewise, how frustrating to seek the attention of somebody determined to ignore you. How exasperating to attempt to impress somebody who barely acknowledges you, leaving you uncertain if their silence is calculated or accidental. We balance these things out, these rewards and punishments embedded in all our speech; we balance them ourselves with our own ripostes, criticisms, praises, and every manner of wit--which is merely cruelty in good conscience. Even such notable good-doers as Jesus, Buddha, Confucius, and Socrates can't resist constant jabs and insults in their speech. Such is human. And when we are depressed, we becoming unwilling to be comforted -- or are unable. This itself can go two ways. We can refuse comfort to frustrate and shame those who would try, giveing us a bonus of empowerment; or, alternatively, we can pretend we are comforted even if we are not, as an act pity upon our friends. Job very well could have said: Thank you, my comforters, you've given me food for fault; you've done a great job; see you later.

            We accuse each other of slights before they become sleights; a little paranoia works as preventative justice.  The more polite and formal our speech becomes, the colder and more logical our heart. The more abstract and rarified the air we breathe, the farther from the warmth of flesh at the core. Intimacy is a dangerous thing. We must always protect our heart. The fool who opens his art promiscuously courts disaster and gains scars and infections. At some point in our adulthood, the romantic intimacy of adolescence becomes impossible, that chapter is done of our existence; romance turns into the love and protection of children, the improvement of politics, the shared work and duty of married partners. No longer is it a form of revenge to withhold our heart from others -- it is now our only option.

            But at my pith, I am I. Find your gravity. Nature will bubble and froth with the spirit's immersion in the soul -- matter is mind. Therefore, when romance is past, set your heart on the divine, direct experience of the divine pure from tradition. With a flexible use of words, the atheist too seeks the divine, but prefers more secular names for it. In that he is fully justified. For whatever it is that is Important to us, we can open our heart intimately to that.

            As we press our habits into the demands of life, we discover that a little clutter, a few empty spots, a bit of redundancy and fat gives the system space to move. Those gaps are God, "the God of the gaps" and our divine will always tuck away among our blind spots. The Memory in its occult goals fastens your mind beyond your will even to facts you would sooner forget. What is gained by crime can never stay, and whatever is given to you will be taken away; but what emanates from your own innermost is beyond reproach or revenge, is outside justice altogether, is pure increase. Be grateful, but only honestly grateful. Insincere gratitude is a pestilence. When you are unable to envy, you feel content. Hold, therefore, to your own, those few precious things. It is not the amount, but the use that determines your wealth. Frugality is a ratio between input and output. And just as every virtue is a vice, so is every vice a virtue, greed a virtue, greed the father of philanthropy. Revenge too is merely justice on a personal level.

            Walk the world as a startling contradiction. If nobody pulls their weight at work, you will; if nobody loves with all their heart, you will; if nobody is consistently kind and brings out the best in others, you will as a matter of course, not to prove any religion or creed, but because that is what you are, it is your nature to shine beauty on all things, to improve all you touch, to like Midas turn all that passes through your hands into gold.

            Your boss blames you for matters not your fault. You owe him nothing. Why do your best, why help the company succeed? If these are your thoughts, then you are still thinking in terms of justice, that you will do what you will get credit for, that you want payment for every good act you accomplish. That makes sense in a business environment, and it is appropriate to want to be praised or at least recognized for your accomplishments. But you must do your best even if you get blamed for it. That's being an excellent person. It is better to get blamed for goodness than praised for badness, and a strong soul will do what's right even if that earns it universal blame. You must live your life not as if you will be rewarded in heaven, but insist on doing beautiful acts even if it earned you hell. What matters is walking in perfection, making yourself and your world beautiful, affirming and inspiring others to become powerful and great.

 

 

 

\ ~@M@~ /

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