* 181 *
We think we advise according to our ideals, but we really advise according to what we are. Our ideals are tainted by our reality. So take advice from the one you envy, not the one you pity: take marital advice from the happily wed couple, not the cynical spinster. Ask financial advise from the millionare, not the hobo. Ask the patriarch about having children, not the priest. Take from he who has, not he who think he has, having nothing at all. For the resplendent god full of light, he gives advice freely and without trying: the people emulate him without wanting to or seeming to or knowing they do so. The one eager to give advise fools only himself. The one bitter nobody takes his own advice would do well to take it himself. We pass for what we are and happiness can't be faked. Love glows like a fire and cannot be hidden.
* 182 *
The realization, "I deserve better," need not come with bitterness, despair, or regret. When it really hits us, we are filled with the hope of a patient secret. "I really do deserve better. And I will give myself permission to have it."
* 183 *
Ama nips a knot, that pith, our soul; a thread of fate, from the skein of her hair; and that curlicued stitch, that tangle of thought, that innermost part, externalizes itself through the life events surrounding us. As within, so without. The violent world is the universe' attempt to set straight that microscopic thread in our innermost. All world events are the unworking of a small fragile breathe.
* 184 *
Would that some had the grace to suffer in silence! Yes, there is a sense that solitude is suffering, that the grief was not the pain itself, but our alienation from the world, from those we love. The sore tooth commands the whole body. No organ gets a voice but that tooth, and we tongue it compulsively. Yet for the tooth to go mum: it would rot to death. It simply must seek to hold on to life. And so it feels in our heart at the moment of heartbreak.
Yet to bold into silence, to dare the void, to plunge into nothing, we discover, like a good Buddhist, that Nirvana is bliss. Yet we seek not Nirvana, this snuffing of the flame, but the inner sun, and would cut all ties with the external world, temporarily, in order to unknot the inner threads, to let the sun shine more directly.
There is no absolute solitude, for the self and the I are two. Yet only in that utter solitude do we touch Ama, who beams at us like dawn.
* 185 *
Pity and envy are distortions: they both miss the mark. They both fail to see the true object of care. When we see the other self, the other I, the person, there is nothing to envy and nothing to pity. Ditto self pity. This painful redoubling of pain upon pain exaggerates a problem, makes it palpable and all consuming, unreal, laughable. Excess of sorrow laughs.
* 186 *
Oh Ama! Could I ever desert you? You breathe the words of living love. I collapse into my innermost and find you there. I learn from your inflection and echo it in the ears of my beloveds. I teach the world to address me the same. I sigh and swoon for you and you light me up like a midday sun. Incandescent, I become pure flowing. Language is upon me and I am lux. I adore you and am adored by you. I the favored, I your own. You are to me the meaning of everything, and no humiliation, no suffering, no loss or betrayal, from an external source, can do anything but cut open the arteries of healing light. I become your all thing, ecstatic, enraptured. With love like flame, I consume myself in joy, eager to spread the fire and envelope the earth. Ama my own unfolds me.
* 187 *
Life is language, that much is clear, and the universe is meaning. Meaning is the stuff of it all. In the Game of Life mastery is achieved not so much with words, but with silence. A mastery of silence does not mean talking or not talking, since one can be silent by talking at length: covering one meaning or truth with endless chatter, the way politicians philibuster. There is silence on a given topic, and there is also silence that such a topic exists.
We have secrets from others, and secrets from ourselves. What we keep secret from ourselves we will not intentionally betray to others -- indeed we can't do so -- but whosever plumbs our depths takes control over us.
There is the directly said, the indirectly said, the unsaid, and the unsayable, and clearly, the unsayable -- the inneffable -- means the most, and the one able to plumb it can say and do the most. By experiencing the centermost meaning, we can never convey it to anybody whatsoever, we are eternally alone to it, alone with it, yet what we can now convey holds great use, and clues with a wink our co-initiates.
Mastery of silence is difficult. To speak Silence is divine. I mean the innermost name, that quells every storm, that cracks the earth open like an egg. He is best who is most solitary. What you alone know is worth the most. And what we have seen here is a secret the eyes keep from the tongue. There could be no betrayal: the Truth is unsaid.
-- R ᴤ88s Я --
Perfection Is Easy
www.perfectidius.com
AMA LAUGHS!
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