"Upon the birth of Judah Sean June" a poem

Upon the Birth

Of Judah Sean June

Today our Angel

Has brought to earth

And bore to birth

Joshua's pride

And firstborn son:

Judah Sean

The latest June.

Now parents swoon

Their labor done

To bring to home

This godly blessing

To the living hold

Of their faithful love.

Not Judas brother-betrayer

Call thee we

But bless thee Judah

And style thee wise

Who brought forth the Blessing

Of God for Men

Sometimes despite himself

So that though often

Brothers contend

Amidst families and men

This man and family

Would make

The name of a band

Of brothers

Bound by love and law

In reciprocal awe

Of the depths of

God's gifts and grace.

So let your name

Take the place

Of God's Blessing

Upon men.

Through family fidelity

And brotherly love

O Judah

Latest of the Junes

God hath blessed us

Yet again

Through you.

As parents convalesce

They'll join the rest of us

In singing sweet hosanna

To the great Divine

Grateful for God's fine design

In blessing all the earth 

Through us and our own.

For our children

Our greatest Hope

And greatly

Do we receive thee

From the Lord of Hosts.

Amen.

Do you want to remain on this mailing list?

I am sending out fewer emails from amalaughs@gmail.com to my Niviana, you, my 200 person mailing list.

I will write as much as ever. That is my blessing, but I recall Jesus sneeringly say, don't cast your pearls before swines lest they stomp on them and rend you. I have two problems with this: it is unfair to pigs. No pig would smell a pearl, stomp on it, and attack you. That's just some unjustified pig hate. Secondly, if yall don't want to read what to me is my best, my pearls, that means we have different tastes or we have a different outlook on life. Or maybe I just write more than you care to read regularly. That does not make you an ungrateful swine. I am grateful if you took the time to read ANYTHING I've written and I find great satisfaction if I've inspired anybody anywhere in anyway.

That being said, I have made a new email address, amalaughs@proton.com. Proton is an email address for paranoid people. It is highly encrypted. Not that I'm paranoid. But I am pretty much sick of gmails bullshit, to say the least.

As we go on, I will initiate a daily blog and make a website as well.

Please respond to me here, to this email address, if you want on my daily mailing list. I am sending out much fewer group emails on amalaughs@gmail.com... maybe once every few days or weeks ... not my daily writings. I will still send a crazy amount of output, up to ten emails a day, because that is who I am: highly prolific. You can stay in on that of you wish. Just let me know.

Take care,

Daniel

Pan is Dead

 

 

Pan the rustic god of goats and shepherd (paen) seems to have become the god of all based simply on a pun, pan (all). Tis an odd choice for the romans to see their god of all as half goat and lusty as heck. That is the male aspect of nature, a "horned god." We know that after Jesus damned goats — "sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell" — quite arbitrary, Christians have feared goats. Their image of Satan is with goat horns. So, the god of All, PAN, as this little rustic goat dude, has given this blasphemous little stinkers, the Christians endless nightmares.

 

Once, some Christian travelers overread some lamentation, some religious ceremony, in which the pious lamenters cried out, "Pan is dead." The Christians probably got it wrong, and there was some other name. Well, Pan was not a dying rising God, so a ritual lamentation for Pan, all, is not a known pagan thing. but the confused Christians decided to interpret it to mean that the pagans were lamenting that Pan (all) the pagan gods were dead, and their own puny religion had defeated them all. This little incident became an omen of great hope for them.

 

I pause to reflect. You sick little maggots are so atheistic you NEED the death of all the gods in the universe for your pathetic jew god bastard Jesus to win. Yes, I sneer that you choose THAT MAN as your one god. He is meek and pathetic and the choice betrays you. But that's me just being mean.

 

My second inference is this:

 

You needed some bizarre twisted, third rate sign from your god, Jesus, that he had won in his fight as god jealousy to murder all his brothers and sisters, the other gods … you had to learn this news from the active religion of those who had a very much living god, who like your own, who copied ours, dies and rises … does this not mean … your own god didn't TELL you he was winning the fight.

 

Christians wait …

 

Does your God even TALK with you?

 

You have to overhear "pagan" worshipping their god, and misinterpret their words of devotion, and finally you think you have some clue what is going on. I understand your confusion. What appalls me is that your God doesn't even talk to you. Like … at all.

 

That truly must be a lonely feeling.

Yeehaw

Yeehaw


Now that Emilie is recording herself playing guitar and singing and putting it on social media, I am re-minded of Grandpa, and the guitar he gave me, and his love for Ernest Tubb and "real music" which is the old country music, not the stuff with drums and solid electric guitars. Mockers may mock at such ob-solete obsessions in old cranks, but a devoted grandson who adored and adores them man knows that grandpa was, to use a Jewish expression, "putting a hedge around Torah."

There is no point saying that Grandpa was wrong, that that one kind of honky tonk country music isn't the ONLY true music. That is the "fundamentalist" or "atheist" criticism of a religious expression. Grand-pa was basically saying, "This music is God to me, and there is no God but this." To him, in his heart, no music spoke deeper, better, or dearer, and because I love him I know his meaning and don't dare shame him for being provincial.

I pick on Yahweh a bit not to trouble my Jewish friend Diane, who helped improve my writing more than any one person at writers group, and who is a model for Ama as grandma, Dariana: I see the divine in Diana. Just as my one-friend Erika was and is the model for Lissidy, the daughter aspect of Ama the four-faced goddess. And Emilie and Natalie both are Oifia, the childlike aspect of Ama. I pick on Yahweh to harass the Christians in my life, who are collectively the worst hypocritical snot mess of atheists who ever claimed a god, and who Jesus will say to their face at the gate of heaven: Get ye hence, sinners! I never knew you.

Yahweh is part of Ama so there is no drama in my heart. All is part of the divine. I never had to make a choice. I never had a choice.

For AMA is never jealous. She very much is IN all things, and IS all things, so there could be no logic of jealousy. Whatever you love is her already, for Ama is Amanda, that which we love that which must be loved, by irresistible grace. We love her naturally. As sinners, she loves us. As reformed, she loves us. As perfect, as saints, as marred, she loves us. There is nothing we can say, do and be, but she will love us. When she turns her face form us, this is just as Jillian as turned her face from me now for four years. A necessary evil. Evil is infant good. I could not grow further except with her absence.
Soo Yahweh is Yeehaw the donkey god. Actually, the donkey exactly is the totem of Yahweh, and he election of a "stiff necked people" is like to like. They are persistent. But does it help if you are persistent-ly wrong? I have often said, Persistence is Success. Yes, but sometimes you gotta give up for a time too. I don't mean the Jews their religion. God forbid. But Israel is a cursed country and a cursed soil and Amer-ica is the ONLY promised land, blessed very much by her Jewish people who VERY MUCH belong her, respected and admired. I have a GREAT CONTEMPT for Israel the state. But I don't want to jar these notes too much with "contemporary" politics.

Sherry and I fight. I no longer will air my dirty laundry. She is stubborn as a goddam mule. Insanely stubborn. She is a powerful woman. And I am very VERY attracted to power in women. Because my mom was and is powerful, and mom is home to us. The original home. For nine months.

I will share this song. The link this time, just the link, lest Ivan whine that his email is full and he has old-man-syndrome and can't vet out his emails and make space. This is a song I wrote for Sherry, Sorrow Worm. Well, it is Jillian's combination of my song "invocation" followed by my strumming the chords to Sorrow Worm. The chorus to Sorrow Worm is "My love is suicide, but I choose you." In this mix of the song, Jillian moans the lyrics in metallic distorted perfection, and her Cello, who IS the body of the god-dess, endures the torture of a soul and body that endures utter hell forever, as often and need by, for the one he loves. My love is unbreakable. It survives even suicide.

https://youtu.be/ZLjvKiNwKbU?si=b7Ua5LcxliM-T4_z

On my Deafness

On My Deafness

 

Oh! The whole point I had in mind for remarking on my telling brother in law tom about the drama of insisting I am getting the Boy flute lessons is that Tom then insisted I listen to the Rolling Stone's "Ruby Tuesday" immediately. He has this feckless bratty sense of urgency sometimes and I was writing an email to you all yesterday but I wrapped it up and listened to Ruby Tuesday. Tom expressed disappointment that my phone had such poor speakers and lacked a phone jack to plug it into his master stereo speakers, which is quite amazing and gained racoon style from dumpster diving.

I will bring Nathan-gift my portable boom box to listen to this song with Tom when we put in the new alternator today. Tom wanted me to hear the flute part of Ruby Tuesday, and I was shocked because this is a popular well-known song I've heard many times my whole life, but I never really acknowledged the flute.

I have it LOUD and on repeat as I dance my chares, adoring Ama with my songs. I do hear the flute, yes, and I will share it with the Boy later, but I really hear ONLY the cello.

In the Name of Jillian who is God, so if the cello forever blessed in my ears.

And that's fine.

But I remember my grandpa, the one who loved me so closely because we both played guitar, and gave me Angela, my guitar, when he passed, said he went deaf in such a way that he could hear low tones fine but high tones irritated his ears. He was into old-school country music, which he told me was the ONLY real music. Rock and roll with drums and electric guitar was not music. I patiently and meekly listened and never disputed him. I adore my grandpa so much! So he favored Ernest Tub, an old school country singer with a deep booming bass voice.

Lately, I notice my music prefers the same: the bass. I thought it was Jillian who taught me to pick out the bass first. And maybe that is true. But I like music with thick drums and thrumming overwhelming bass. I guess I always did. They might be giants John Linnel has nazel nerd voice. But as for both "In the Meantime" by Spacehog, and "Possum Kingdom" by the Toadies, my highschool staples, these are songs built around and based on an ingenius bass lick. Muse too I think begins with the bass. How a song begins, its inception and conception, determine also its limit and extend.

The Beatles, Paul, said he wrote all songs on acoustic guitar first. Me too. I can't get electric. I LOVE the riffs of electric music. Always did. That killer little riff in Jethro Tull's Aqualung. So SMALL yet inexhaustible. An eternal MOTIV. The same is Beethoven's fifth tattoo, a symphony lending it quite well to heavy metal renditions.

I hear the bass now. I hear the tinkling less. The flutes less.

Now Mom and (biological) Dad are both nearly completely deaf. This is my blessing too. Like Beethoven and Milton and Homer, I get to lose the external form of the sense so as to internalize and intensify beyond all belief. I am very very VERY sensitive to rhythms and repetitions. To the point of EXTREME MIGRAINE if the rhythm is off. This pet peeve and hypersensitivity is also my superpower. What is evil but infant good? And the best editors of all time are the most irritable.

Old age is a GREAT dropping off of the sense to prepare to leave this limited husk. The slow decay of the body is beautiful. Death is beautiful. This is wonderful!

In Praise of Nero

In Praise of Nero

 

Okay, where are we. I am writing daily notes in non-ending ultra-productivity as is my wont. I send out quite a bit. I don't send out everything. Writing is my breathing — it is natural to me and it is a magic and miracle that cures my physical ills.

This second of notes I am preparing to write the epic Ezra I have intitled "In Praise of Nero: I come not to bury, to but Praise the man."

Why Nero? He is the Christian antichrist of course we despite what the crackpots say about the latest greatest meaning of 666 it spells out his name in Latin and we know this. There is no wisdom, no mystery to solve. Jesus came back physically and brought away his useless 144,000 virgins. The second coming already happened. Long ago. So long. And the antichrist was Nero. This is known.

But the more history I read, the ore I find out that Nero like me lead a writers group. He also had a mixed reputation. He was amazingly sensitive. I thought to myself, Why does the world hate Nero so much? Then I said, Christians gave him a bad name. Then I thought, He must be a hero and saint then. Whoever the Christians hate are good and great men by definition. They are worms and are afraid of power, beauty, innocence, and greatness.

Same as the Jews, incidentally. I was reading Moby Dick, and Melville's whaling ship captain, Ahab, was named after "an evil king." And I thought, the way the Jews hate on Ahab so much, he must be the real thing. He must be the good guy after all. I looked it up on Wikipedia to start and it referred me to a book, The Bible Unearthed written by the latest greatest very much Jewish and proud of it scholars and archeologists working in the middle east. They confirmed my hunch:

Not only was King Ahab also a very good king; he was also the best. David was an unknown in the pathetic lower kingdom that is basically the boondocks. It was King Ahab that made the kingdom of Israel, Northern kingdom, reach its greatest power, beauty, influence, and perfect. He is the best.

He had a policy like the United States: worship according to your conscience. If you love Yahweh alone, worship Yahweh alone. If you want to sacrifice at the altar of Baal, then do so. Go ahead and plant ashteroth poles on the high places, those symbols of the world tree who IS Ashteroth, Ishtar, Inanna. Follow your conscience in all things.

In this dipolomatic system of separation of religion and state, Israel thrived and the economy boomed. The people were happy. Temples got built. Everything was perfect.

The jealous and covetous priests of the "Yahweh-only" cult who wished to outlaw worship of Baal and Astheroth and MURDER all people who in good conscience worshipped those very much the original deities of the Jews wrote what got included in Jewish scripture. They FALSIFY everything. They turn history on its head. They LIE through their teeth claiming that Ahab and the other kings of open diplomacy brought the curses on the land, the invasion of foreign people. As the very scholarly and exact book, the Bible Unearthed, details, and yet, as Jews, they explain it away as no big deal, the Priests who wrote the book of kings LIED, LIED, LIED, slandering King Ahab falsely, and building up the NOTHING chieftain David, who mattered not at all as a historical reality, as if he were the greatest king to ever exist. The writers of the Bible Unearthed, two prominent Jews, top of the university of Aviv, I believe, and great archeologists, as Jews, argue that the Bible still is the greatest book ever written despite the fact that it lies historically and turns reality on its head.

Israel Finkelstein and Neil Asher Silberman, the authors of this book, look verse by verse at the Bible and all the archeological work, and show, straight forwardly, openly, and in clear candor, how the writers of Kings and other books knowingly and completely falsified history piece by piece. We have the evidence. We've spent our time in the dirt. We KNOW it. Yet Finkelstein PRAISES the biblical liars because they were lying in the right direction. They may have falsified history but they were opening the way for a new way of being.

Whatever. That aint at ALL scholarly integrity, but I will wrap up by saying this: David was a piece of shit nothing and we know it and the "evil" King Ahab was and is Israel's greatest king, and if the current state of Israel followed HIS diplomatic wisdom, they would not be genociding their enemies and keeping the middle east in a constant state of warfare. Constant.

But enough said.

Nero as hero?

He never wanted to emperor. At his birth, his ambitious mother, who was calculating, and despite politics being a man's art made her son as a work of art into her greatest ambition: leader of the entire world. An augur at his birth predicted that Nero was destined to rule the world but kill his mother. When she heard this, dauntless, the woman scoffed: Occidat dum imperet. Translated: Let him kill me but he will rule.

That was her ambition and her choice. Ruthless woman. I am just starting a book on him. As an AMA adherent, in which I say Woman is God, the idea of praising a matricide may seem strange. I am undecided about this case. Nero himself was a sensitive artist. A writer. Led a writers group. When he commit suicide, he is reported to have said, "What a great artist dies with me."

Where will my studies take me? I am open to hear. He was loved of the common man. He inspired the arts in all around him. The greatest writers of his day knew Nero personally. He edited their work. He helped improve them.

I'm not saying he is my next Emerson or a great man I will disciple under for twenty years. But Nero deserves better then what that piece of shit book the Revelation of John says about him. So, these notes, they are entitled, In Praise of Nero. For as a rule: whatever a Christian curses must be good and divine, on principle. They are the scum of the other, the resenters, the haters of the world. What they blame must always in principle be good. I will test this rule of thumb in studying Nero, son of Agrippina, Woman AS ambition who is willing to die, if need be, so long as her son is emperor of the world. I have a sense that I will find Nero to be kind of weak and fragile being raised by a woman like this, that she won't at all be the victim, but a powerful hero, and Nero unable to match the intensity of her vision.

Woman is God. That is all.